So first, a quick update on the little man. He's up to 12 pounds now! And he had his snip snip procedure last week and is doing well. We're just waiting for the, um, remnants to fall off and he'll be all healed up. We stopped the antibiotics too so Leo is, officially, for the first time EVER in his life - not on any medications!!! Woot! Part of me can't really relax and enjoy that because I'm convinced the infection will come back. Even though intellectually that is very unlikely now that he's been snipped. So I'll just ignore those thoughts...la la la la....I can't hear you!
Now onto today's rant. Well, it's not really a rant. More commentary than rant. Yeah that's it. Commentary. We watched "The Business of Being Born" last night. And yes, I can hear certain of my friends sighing and rolling their eyes right now. Yes, it was all of those things that those of us who have been through a less than perfect birth experience get annoyed with. The blanket statements about home births vs. hospitals, the chest-thumping pride that comes with a natural birth (who coined that phrase anyway? is there an un-natural birth??), etc., etc. So I found myself getting all pissed off at various points in the movie. And at the same time totally agreeing with them on other points! I do think C-sections are done far too liberally in our country and likely as a result of hasty interventions. I do think the medical establishment has a bias against midwifery and home births. I do agree that there is likely a correlation between our super high rates of c-section births and our shockingly high infant mortality rates. But of course these are only part of the story. And, as I've said before, any way in which that baby has come into your life and into your family should be celebrated. And, for some of us, there simply is no choice. A hospital saved Leo's life. Had we been going the home route, he likely wouldn't have made it. I wasn't even ever contemplating the home route so that's beside the point. But still. And I find myself getting annoyed all over again at this "all or nothing" approach. Why does one have to be so at odds with the other? Why can't both work together in the best interest of Mom and baby? Why are the people in these movies who advocate for one side or the other always such a caricature? The angry hippie pissed off at doctors, the callous doctor dismissive of the midwife. It was a little silly.
And then, at the end of the movie...an unexpected surprise. Rikki Lake's partner on the project, pregnant herself during the course of filming, planning a home birth - goes into early labor. And delivers 4 weeks early! And the baby's in the NICU! Is it insenstive to cheer at that? The baby was fine, home within a few days from the sounds of it. And I think what we were so excited about wasn't that this baby had come early, we're not total jerks or anything. But that they did a really nice job of showing how supported this woman was through this very unexpected turn of events. And they talked alot in the movie about supporting women. Support them in their use of midwives, insurance companies should support this choice, doctors should support it, etc., etc. And finally they showed another kind of support, the kind I think sometimes gets lost in these arguments of which way is better. How about supporting the women and families who find themselves in exactly these unexpected, traumatic and confusing situations. When the love hormones don't flow (this was another highly annoying part of the movie...watch out c-section ladies...you'll never bond with your baby!), when nothing is going as planned...or even partially as planned. Let's talk about supporting that. And they did! And in an instant I loved this movie. Because the reality is that there's no perfect way. And if we can remember that and support ourselves and others through whatever way works then I think we'll all be much better off.
Ok, so that was kinda ranty. Oh, and it's kind of funny that I'm talking about a movie that's like 10 years old or something. Way to stay current!
I wish you could sit and watch a documentary that might have been made of you so you could further appreciate what you did during your whole experience. I know it would be something you could be proud of with all the twists and turns and challenges. Through it all I never heard you complain about anything going on with your body, your focus was Leo and what was happening in his new world and how you could provide the best for him. You were bonded from the get go. As a new mother who had so much to long for, you were able to set yourself aside for your child and support all the life giving efforts of the hospital to insure your baby was okay. That is Motherhood in the largest sense of the word. Not everyone can do what you did with the grace and savvy you brought to the table. There were so many variables to deal with that now when the daily routine is so simple, being relaxed and just being Mom feels a bit unusual. It all boils down to love and you are exuding that all over Leo. He is thriving, making forward progress and is celebrated in your heart for himself. I think you are, without a doubt, one outstanding Mom. I thank God for you every day in my thoughts and pray for peace of mind to put the past aside and just go forward. Leo is on his way, healthy and strong and you know your plan is to keep him that way, you will. We love you very much, XOXO
ReplyDeleteWe are going extreme. Planning on flying to India to test out the doctors over there for the birth of Palmer. Sound like a good idea?
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