16 Weeks!

Leo is 16 weeks old today. FOUR MONTHS! That seems totally unfathomable to me somehow. Apparently his teeth will start to come in between 4-6 months. He will also begin eating solid food between 4-6 months. And he's already wearing his 3-6 month sized clothing.

Now, who knows if he'll actually follow a similar timeframe on the teeth and food part...given his early status he could be a bit slower in those areas. But still, the fact that my weekly email pushes from Swedish about "what your infant is doing at x weeks old" now includes teeth and solid food is kinda mind boggling.

On the food front, I'm still obsessing. On the plus side, I've stopped counting and writing things down. Jay and I just decided to stop the other day. I stood there and looked at the notebook that has sat on the kitchen counter for four months, recording all of my pump totals and, for the last two months, recording all of Leo's feed totals and meds dosing. And I was waiting for something to happen now that I'd decided to stop counting. But how will we know how he's doing? How will we keep track of whether he's had his meds?? (Even though we both can do this now in our sleep) How will I know how my milk production is? OH MY GOD HOW DO I NOT COUNT?!?!?! THE WORLD WILL STOP TURNING!!!! Well, perhaps not quite that dramatic. But I have to say it did cause me instant anxiety the first time I didn't write down a total. So I wrote one down. And then the next time I said "why did I bother" and still felt anxious and chose to ignore the anxiety. It would pass I assured myself. And it did! And now, here we are, two days later and I've not written a single total down in about 24 hours. Progress. I figure, Leo's growing, he's making poopy and wet diapers and I seem to have enough milk to both make up bottles with part formula and to mix with his meds (he's still on this recipe until next week when we see the GI doc) and enough to nurse him a few times during the day. So I think I just have to let it go and trust that he's getting what he needs. If we show up next week and the docs aren't happy with his growth, then so be it. Back to counting. But for now, we're moving on. It feels like I'm getting away with something...like I'm being naughty. It causes me to giggle when I think about how I'm a rebel and NOT writing these all-important numbers down in my special notebook. Well, screw the notebook. I want to be done with this phase. I'd like to move on now please! And, hopefully, we can.

In other exciting news, this week begins the Grandma visits! Yay! My Mom's been here for a couple of days now and it's been so awesome. I'm sure it's the biggest cliche in the world but I feel like our connection is now stronger, deeper, now that we're both part of the same "club." She knows what to do when Leo starts fussing and she just jumps right in and does what needs doing. Whether it's a diaper change, or getting a bottle or just holding him to calm him down. I'm so grateful for the help as I've been easing back into work this week. It's so nice to know that things are handled and I don't have to constantly run upstairs to be sure everything is OK. And today Jay's Mom comes in! Yay! I'm telling you, I'm going to be spoiled with all of this help. A girl could get used to this.