Leo's ten pounds!!!! He had his four month well baby visit yesterday and the pediatrician is very happy. He's growing really well and is getting closer and closer to the growth curve that "normal" kids are on...the all important PERCENTILES!!!!!! I am trying not to be one of those mothers that obsessively rattles off which percentile her child is at be it for weight or height, as if to show some correlation between that and his hopes of getting into Harvard. It's a little annoying to say the least. And perhaps my perspective is a gift given what we've been through with Leo, because a parent of an otherwise healthy, full term baby doesn't really have a whole lot else to worry about (beyond the worries that all parents have). Whereas our expectations are decidedly less...um what's the word...high. And the doc went ahead and took him off his iron supplements. So that means...drumroll...he's not on ANY of the medications he was on when he left the hospital. Yay!!!!! And once he kicks this UTI we'll hopefully be done altogether, aside from any lingering low-dose antibiotic treatment he may require to deal with whatever is causing the UTI. We'll know more in a couple of weeks there. But to no longer have to deal with six mediations/vitamins every few hours is such a huge weight lifted. Things are really starting to feel...gulp...normal.
The other very exciting bit of news today is that I have, officially, ceased pumping. I turned in the hospital pump yesterday and haven't pumped in 24 hours. It feels liberating. And weird. And I'm still feeling guilty. And so on and so on. And I'm sure I'll still pump here and there with my portable pump. But the days of endless pumping and middle of the night pumping are over. Hurrah doesn't even come close to the glee I'm feeling over this. Leo can nurse as much as he wants and otherwise he's getting formula. And that's that. Thankfully he is able to do both, a gift that is definitely not lost on me. I can't believe that after four months of non-stop pumping...four months of pumping in the middle of the night...every single night...it's done. Just like that. Believe me the guilt dissipates with every hour I'm not looking at pump parts in the living room. So, yay!
We also had some awesome tummy time today. He's getting closer and closer to holding his head up while on his tummy. This is the big milestone his doctor wants to see by his six month visit. So we're getting lots of practice in each day while trying not to piss off Leo too much. He's also getting close to rolling over...we think...hard to know really. But when he's on his tummy he kicks the living daylights out of his legs and pushes up on his arms and I swear a couple of times he almost flipped himself right over. No more unattended time on the couch I'm afraid. Bring on the mobile baby and the baby proofing...can't wait!
It's a gorgeous day today and we're very happy to be seeing some old friends tonight for dinner. Should be a lovely evening...and the raspberry tart I whipped up this morning (vanilla pastry cream, pistachio studded pastry crust, raspberries on top) is calling my name from the refrigerator right now...bring on the feedbag!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Multiple Steps...Forward, Backward and Side to Side
Where to begin...well it's been a couple of weeks since the last post and part of me is struggling with what to say. But thank goodness life is never dull around here and constantly offers up new posting ideas daily. Today's gift comes in the form of a bladder infection/UTI for Leo. We went to see his kidney doctor on Thursday for what I thought would be routine follow-up. After which we could close the book on the kidney doctor. Yep, I was sure we'd be all done with that. Fail.
She took blood and urine samples and he had an ultrasound on his kidneys to see how things looked. The ultrasound looked fine, nothing different than the last time. But on Friday I got a rather panicked call from the nurse about his urine culture. Seems he had an infection but they weren't sure if the sample from the previous day was contaminated or what. So back to the hospital we went for a cathoter for Leo. Ouch. Five minutes later results - yes an infection is confirmed and we'll call you when we know what the exact bacteria is. In the meantime, here are some antibiotics to start him on. Sunday afternoon a call from the doctor (this can't be good, calling on a Sunday??) to confirm that it's a pretty serious bacteria that is apparently resistent to pretty much every antibiotic out there. Except for IV ones! Oh, and one other oral one that none of the pharmacies near our home seem to carry. So she'll fax it to the Swedish Pharmacy. Oh they're closed for the day already? Ok, will pick it up in the morning. Amidst all of this Leo is fine. He doesn't have a fever, he's eating, sleeping, in a good mood - you wouldn't know he had anything at all.
Monday morning, 7 a.m. call the pharmacy to check on status of medication - their computers are down! Fail. Wait two hours, prescription filled and Leo is now on the proper medication. And hopefully the bacteria won't decide to morph into a new strain and become resistent to this because methinks we'd be in for a hospital stay if that were the case. Not going there.
So the story is that due to his preemie-ness, his little boy parts (the main part) is, well, how to put this - the turtle is hiding in its shell just a bit too much. And the shell will eventually be removed, but that won't be until 9 months, because of his preemie-ness. With the turtle out of its shell the risk of UTI will go down dramatically but until then this is something that can happen so he'll likely be on antibiotics of some sort for a while. There's also a test they do for a form of reflux that preemies (and regular kids/adults for that matter) can get whereby the pee doesn't just drain on out, but some of it backs up into the bladder and then sits there and, you guessed it, grows bacteria. So they'll be doing this test soon, if he has the reflux problem there's a procedure to fix it. Sigh. But for now we're just trying to get rid of nasty bacteria and move on from there.
Today's fun with doctors is a follow-up with his GI/Liver doc. I can't wait to see what this day brings!
On the positive tip, Leo's calcium and sodium levels in his bones and blood are normal so he's now off of the calcium carbonate and sodium phosphate. So of his original six medications he was on when he left the hospital, he's still only on two of them and conceivably could be off of one of those two today if the GI doc gives the green light. Hooray for progress.
Grandma's also heading back to Spokane today. It's been amazingly helpful to have an extra pair of hands around here. And she has so loved spending time with Leo. We've loved having her and look forward to more visits. I am, however, looking forward to Jay commencing his stay-at-home-papa role today. He'll be home for the next month. Woot!
And, just because I love it so...here's a recent pic of the little man himself.
She took blood and urine samples and he had an ultrasound on his kidneys to see how things looked. The ultrasound looked fine, nothing different than the last time. But on Friday I got a rather panicked call from the nurse about his urine culture. Seems he had an infection but they weren't sure if the sample from the previous day was contaminated or what. So back to the hospital we went for a cathoter for Leo. Ouch. Five minutes later results - yes an infection is confirmed and we'll call you when we know what the exact bacteria is. In the meantime, here are some antibiotics to start him on. Sunday afternoon a call from the doctor (this can't be good, calling on a Sunday??) to confirm that it's a pretty serious bacteria that is apparently resistent to pretty much every antibiotic out there. Except for IV ones! Oh, and one other oral one that none of the pharmacies near our home seem to carry. So she'll fax it to the Swedish Pharmacy. Oh they're closed for the day already? Ok, will pick it up in the morning. Amidst all of this Leo is fine. He doesn't have a fever, he's eating, sleeping, in a good mood - you wouldn't know he had anything at all.
Monday morning, 7 a.m. call the pharmacy to check on status of medication - their computers are down! Fail. Wait two hours, prescription filled and Leo is now on the proper medication. And hopefully the bacteria won't decide to morph into a new strain and become resistent to this because methinks we'd be in for a hospital stay if that were the case. Not going there.
So the story is that due to his preemie-ness, his little boy parts (the main part) is, well, how to put this - the turtle is hiding in its shell just a bit too much. And the shell will eventually be removed, but that won't be until 9 months, because of his preemie-ness. With the turtle out of its shell the risk of UTI will go down dramatically but until then this is something that can happen so he'll likely be on antibiotics of some sort for a while. There's also a test they do for a form of reflux that preemies (and regular kids/adults for that matter) can get whereby the pee doesn't just drain on out, but some of it backs up into the bladder and then sits there and, you guessed it, grows bacteria. So they'll be doing this test soon, if he has the reflux problem there's a procedure to fix it. Sigh. But for now we're just trying to get rid of nasty bacteria and move on from there.
Today's fun with doctors is a follow-up with his GI/Liver doc. I can't wait to see what this day brings!
On the positive tip, Leo's calcium and sodium levels in his bones and blood are normal so he's now off of the calcium carbonate and sodium phosphate. So of his original six medications he was on when he left the hospital, he's still only on two of them and conceivably could be off of one of those two today if the GI doc gives the green light. Hooray for progress.
Grandma's also heading back to Spokane today. It's been amazingly helpful to have an extra pair of hands around here. And she has so loved spending time with Leo. We've loved having her and look forward to more visits. I am, however, looking forward to Jay commencing his stay-at-home-papa role today. He'll be home for the next month. Woot!
And, just because I love it so...here's a recent pic of the little man himself.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
16 Weeks!
Leo is 16 weeks old today. FOUR MONTHS! That seems totally unfathomable to me somehow. Apparently his teeth will start to come in between 4-6 months. He will also begin eating solid food between 4-6 months. And he's already wearing his 3-6 month sized clothing.
Now, who knows if he'll actually follow a similar timeframe on the teeth and food part...given his early status he could be a bit slower in those areas. But still, the fact that my weekly email pushes from Swedish about "what your infant is doing at x weeks old" now includes teeth and solid food is kinda mind boggling.
On the food front, I'm still obsessing. On the plus side, I've stopped counting and writing things down. Jay and I just decided to stop the other day. I stood there and looked at the notebook that has sat on the kitchen counter for four months, recording all of my pump totals and, for the last two months, recording all of Leo's feed totals and meds dosing. And I was waiting for something to happen now that I'd decided to stop counting. But how will we know how he's doing? How will we keep track of whether he's had his meds?? (Even though we both can do this now in our sleep) How will I know how my milk production is? OH MY GOD HOW DO I NOT COUNT?!?!?! THE WORLD WILL STOP TURNING!!!! Well, perhaps not quite that dramatic. But I have to say it did cause me instant anxiety the first time I didn't write down a total. So I wrote one down. And then the next time I said "why did I bother" and still felt anxious and chose to ignore the anxiety. It would pass I assured myself. And it did! And now, here we are, two days later and I've not written a single total down in about 24 hours. Progress. I figure, Leo's growing, he's making poopy and wet diapers and I seem to have enough milk to both make up bottles with part formula and to mix with his meds (he's still on this recipe until next week when we see the GI doc) and enough to nurse him a few times during the day. So I think I just have to let it go and trust that he's getting what he needs. If we show up next week and the docs aren't happy with his growth, then so be it. Back to counting. But for now, we're moving on. It feels like I'm getting away with something...like I'm being naughty. It causes me to giggle when I think about how I'm a rebel and NOT writing these all-important numbers down in my special notebook. Well, screw the notebook. I want to be done with this phase. I'd like to move on now please! And, hopefully, we can.
In other exciting news, this week begins the Grandma visits! Yay! My Mom's been here for a couple of days now and it's been so awesome. I'm sure it's the biggest cliche in the world but I feel like our connection is now stronger, deeper, now that we're both part of the same "club." She knows what to do when Leo starts fussing and she just jumps right in and does what needs doing. Whether it's a diaper change, or getting a bottle or just holding him to calm him down. I'm so grateful for the help as I've been easing back into work this week. It's so nice to know that things are handled and I don't have to constantly run upstairs to be sure everything is OK. And today Jay's Mom comes in! Yay! I'm telling you, I'm going to be spoiled with all of this help. A girl could get used to this.
Now, who knows if he'll actually follow a similar timeframe on the teeth and food part...given his early status he could be a bit slower in those areas. But still, the fact that my weekly email pushes from Swedish about "what your infant is doing at x weeks old" now includes teeth and solid food is kinda mind boggling.
On the food front, I'm still obsessing. On the plus side, I've stopped counting and writing things down. Jay and I just decided to stop the other day. I stood there and looked at the notebook that has sat on the kitchen counter for four months, recording all of my pump totals and, for the last two months, recording all of Leo's feed totals and meds dosing. And I was waiting for something to happen now that I'd decided to stop counting. But how will we know how he's doing? How will we keep track of whether he's had his meds?? (Even though we both can do this now in our sleep) How will I know how my milk production is? OH MY GOD HOW DO I NOT COUNT?!?!?! THE WORLD WILL STOP TURNING!!!! Well, perhaps not quite that dramatic. But I have to say it did cause me instant anxiety the first time I didn't write down a total. So I wrote one down. And then the next time I said "why did I bother" and still felt anxious and chose to ignore the anxiety. It would pass I assured myself. And it did! And now, here we are, two days later and I've not written a single total down in about 24 hours. Progress. I figure, Leo's growing, he's making poopy and wet diapers and I seem to have enough milk to both make up bottles with part formula and to mix with his meds (he's still on this recipe until next week when we see the GI doc) and enough to nurse him a few times during the day. So I think I just have to let it go and trust that he's getting what he needs. If we show up next week and the docs aren't happy with his growth, then so be it. Back to counting. But for now, we're moving on. It feels like I'm getting away with something...like I'm being naughty. It causes me to giggle when I think about how I'm a rebel and NOT writing these all-important numbers down in my special notebook. Well, screw the notebook. I want to be done with this phase. I'd like to move on now please! And, hopefully, we can.
In other exciting news, this week begins the Grandma visits! Yay! My Mom's been here for a couple of days now and it's been so awesome. I'm sure it's the biggest cliche in the world but I feel like our connection is now stronger, deeper, now that we're both part of the same "club." She knows what to do when Leo starts fussing and she just jumps right in and does what needs doing. Whether it's a diaper change, or getting a bottle or just holding him to calm him down. I'm so grateful for the help as I've been easing back into work this week. It's so nice to know that things are handled and I don't have to constantly run upstairs to be sure everything is OK. And today Jay's Mom comes in! Yay! I'm telling you, I'm going to be spoiled with all of this help. A girl could get used to this.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Heat Wave
Lordy it's hot! One day it was 50 and the next it was 90. Awesome. Although I have to say, usually I'm sweating my girls off in misery but somehow this bit of heat is somewhat enjoyable. Maybe because we have a pseudo-finished space in the basement to escape to. Maybe because we were freezing our butts off for the last four months. Either way, I'm trying to enjoy the sticky heat and sunshine. My tomatoes sure are happy, that's for sure.
I'm also gearing up to start back to work Monday. Looking forward to having my Mom here for a couple of days to help out and then Jay's Mom will be here for two weeks after that. I'm not typically someone who asks for help, but I have to say, having them both here will be wonderful. I'm so appreciative of their time and I think having that one-on-one time with Leo will be something they both love as well. And who knows, maybe I'll get some clean laundry and various baked goods out of it! Woot!
The other thing weighing on my mind...ok i'm obsessing about it actually...is how and when to stop pumping. Perhaps not stop entirely...Leo's probably going to be 10 before that happens. Kidding. But at least stop the round-the-clock pumping. As a reminder, I've been pumping around the clock since March 24. Yes, yes, poor me. So if I'm going to stop, this means that Leo will need to nurse pretty well. And it means that if he's not nursing too well that he's going to need to be supplemented with formula. So I'm wrestling with the best approach. My old friend judgement is rearing it's head because my inner voice is saying "formula's bad! you have to nurse! keep pumping!" but my boobs are saying "dear god please give us a break." So I think my approach is going to be a hybrid. I'll likely stop pumping around the clock sometime over the next month or so. As I decrease in pumping I'll increase in the number of times each day that Leo nurses. I'm already doing this so it shouldn't be too big of a deal. But the wild card in all of this is, of course, Leo. If he really starts to take off with the nursing it'll probably be a non-issue. My body will continue to supply him with what he needs, even without pumping. But if he does what he's doing now - nursing very well for about 15 minutes and then falling asleep, only to wake up 30 minutes to an hour later hungry - then I may have to supplement with - gasp - formula. Because otherwise I'll have to keep pumping round the clock to keep him exclusively in Momma milk. Thus defeating the purpose of weaning off the pumping. So I think it'll all work out and be fine. Ideally by the time he starts daycare (very small, home-based) down the street in September he'll be sleeping through the night, I won't have to pump more than a couple of times a day, he'll nurse a few times a day, and formula will fill in the gaps. Done and done. Much like my previous post, faithful readers may say to themselves, "why is this a big deal? Formula is great and there for a reason, relax Caitlin!" and I'm trying to. However, my overly obsessive tendencies sometimes get the best of me and are only heightened when it comes to Leo. An obsessive Mom, weird.
Oh and Leo's wearing size 3-6 month stuff now! Yay! It's amazing how much he's growing. I realize this tends to happen with humans...but still. Kind of crazy to put on the 3-6 month stuff and have it fit. Even weirder to have to put the newborn stuff in storage. But good weird, definitely good weird.
The house is 75 degrees and it's 7:56 a.m. I think it's not even 70 outside yet. Suh-weet.
I'm also gearing up to start back to work Monday. Looking forward to having my Mom here for a couple of days to help out and then Jay's Mom will be here for two weeks after that. I'm not typically someone who asks for help, but I have to say, having them both here will be wonderful. I'm so appreciative of their time and I think having that one-on-one time with Leo will be something they both love as well. And who knows, maybe I'll get some clean laundry and various baked goods out of it! Woot!
The other thing weighing on my mind...ok i'm obsessing about it actually...is how and when to stop pumping. Perhaps not stop entirely...Leo's probably going to be 10 before that happens. Kidding. But at least stop the round-the-clock pumping. As a reminder, I've been pumping around the clock since March 24. Yes, yes, poor me. So if I'm going to stop, this means that Leo will need to nurse pretty well. And it means that if he's not nursing too well that he's going to need to be supplemented with formula. So I'm wrestling with the best approach. My old friend judgement is rearing it's head because my inner voice is saying "formula's bad! you have to nurse! keep pumping!" but my boobs are saying "dear god please give us a break." So I think my approach is going to be a hybrid. I'll likely stop pumping around the clock sometime over the next month or so. As I decrease in pumping I'll increase in the number of times each day that Leo nurses. I'm already doing this so it shouldn't be too big of a deal. But the wild card in all of this is, of course, Leo. If he really starts to take off with the nursing it'll probably be a non-issue. My body will continue to supply him with what he needs, even without pumping. But if he does what he's doing now - nursing very well for about 15 minutes and then falling asleep, only to wake up 30 minutes to an hour later hungry - then I may have to supplement with - gasp - formula. Because otherwise I'll have to keep pumping round the clock to keep him exclusively in Momma milk. Thus defeating the purpose of weaning off the pumping. So I think it'll all work out and be fine. Ideally by the time he starts daycare (very small, home-based) down the street in September he'll be sleeping through the night, I won't have to pump more than a couple of times a day, he'll nurse a few times a day, and formula will fill in the gaps. Done and done. Much like my previous post, faithful readers may say to themselves, "why is this a big deal? Formula is great and there for a reason, relax Caitlin!" and I'm trying to. However, my overly obsessive tendencies sometimes get the best of me and are only heightened when it comes to Leo. An obsessive Mom, weird.
Oh and Leo's wearing size 3-6 month stuff now! Yay! It's amazing how much he's growing. I realize this tends to happen with humans...but still. Kind of crazy to put on the 3-6 month stuff and have it fit. Even weirder to have to put the newborn stuff in storage. But good weird, definitely good weird.
The house is 75 degrees and it's 7:56 a.m. I think it's not even 70 outside yet. Suh-weet.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy Fourth!
It's a lovely Fourth here at the Roulston household. Grandma and Grandpa are here and Aunts Katie and Melissa will be coming by later. Lots of meaty goodness will be placed on the grill...and some non meaty stuff too! And, with the exception of the weather, it's a beautiful day.
Leo continues to grow and I just can't get over how big he looks, and how it changes on an almost daily basis. He's taking more and more milk at each feed, I think we're up to about 4 ounces on average at each feed. So he's well over the 20 ounces a day that normal babies eat! Hooray! He's even growing out of many of his newborn attire and moving close to the 1-3 month sized stuff. AND, we've started using the next size up on his cloth diapers. He's huge!!! Well, he's huge to us given how tiny he was.
And, appropriate for this Independence Day, Leo spent last night in his crib, in his room - as opposed to in the co-sleeper attached to the bed. It was as much our own independence day as Leo's. But he did great. He woke up around 2:15 wanting to eat, and was crying loud enough to let us know. So we're feeling very good about this development. I was able to sleep soundly for the first time since we brought him home. I even had dreams! Of course it's very easy to put him in his crib in his room when said room is literally two steps away from our bedroom since our house is so small. But still, a victory nonetheless.
Jay is also hard at work on the temporary "finishing" of the office/guest room downstairs. Just in time for the two Grandma visits in the next couple of weeks. It's amazing how well Tyvek works as a wall covering. And the best part is we can easily access those walls when the time comes that we finally get the electrical inspection done. It's a win-win for everyone!
I hear someone stirring in the other room so I should probably go check on things. Happy Fourth!
Leo continues to grow and I just can't get over how big he looks, and how it changes on an almost daily basis. He's taking more and more milk at each feed, I think we're up to about 4 ounces on average at each feed. So he's well over the 20 ounces a day that normal babies eat! Hooray! He's even growing out of many of his newborn attire and moving close to the 1-3 month sized stuff. AND, we've started using the next size up on his cloth diapers. He's huge!!! Well, he's huge to us given how tiny he was.
And, appropriate for this Independence Day, Leo spent last night in his crib, in his room - as opposed to in the co-sleeper attached to the bed. It was as much our own independence day as Leo's. But he did great. He woke up around 2:15 wanting to eat, and was crying loud enough to let us know. So we're feeling very good about this development. I was able to sleep soundly for the first time since we brought him home. I even had dreams! Of course it's very easy to put him in his crib in his room when said room is literally two steps away from our bedroom since our house is so small. But still, a victory nonetheless.
Jay is also hard at work on the temporary "finishing" of the office/guest room downstairs. Just in time for the two Grandma visits in the next couple of weeks. It's amazing how well Tyvek works as a wall covering. And the best part is we can easily access those walls when the time comes that we finally get the electrical inspection done. It's a win-win for everyone!
I hear someone stirring in the other room so I should probably go check on things. Happy Fourth!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
9 Pounds!
Leo weighed in at 9 lbs this morning...with diaper. Without diaper he was at 8.13. But I'm just going to call it 9 lbs. YAY! He really is looking like a little chunk now, compared to where he was at. And the pediatrician is super happy with everything. We don't need to see her again until his 4 month visit, next month. We seriously don't have any doctors' visits for nearly a month. Suh-weet.
I read through all of the old posts here today. What a ride. I'm so thankful that I started writing everything down. It's going to be a wonderful memory for us and also a gift for Leo. And I'm just marveling at how far we've come. And what I've learned. And how my perspective on parenthood, childbirth, etc. has all changed now. I was listening to NPR this morning in the car and the topic was childbirth. The host was taking calls from folks sharing their childbirth stories - natural or epidural? Hospital or home birth? And it struck me that I think we (women, society, whoever) have soooo much judgement around what makes "the best" childbirth experience. And before my experience with Leo I had all the same judgements. C-Sections are bad and are to be avoided at all costs, if you can go natural you should, epidurals are fine but if you can "handle it" you should go without. And the list goes on. Why do we not realize that at the end of the day the focus should only be about what's going to result in a healthy mom and baby? Why do we feel more pride if we go without any pain intervention? Why do we feel like we've failed if we have a c-section? I'm sure these judgements and feelings aren't true for all women. Perhaps it's a Seattle/West Coast thing. We value the natural out here. But now that I've gone through all of the feelings of failure/anger/jealousy/grief, etc. for having Leo not at all in the way that I expected, I've gained a perspective for which I am so thankful. Enough with the pressure to be the earth mother. Likewise, enough with any and all pressure/expectation/judgement around childbirth. It's just so totally unnecessary and all it does is help to make women feel badly about themselves. Thank God for modern medicine and the ability to have babies in all manner of ways. However that baby joins your family should be celebrated. And, when life throws you a curveball and you find yourself in a situation you never imagined, letting go of those judgements is the only way you can truly heal. Readers of this blog with far more wisdom than I will say "um, duh Caitlin" but for me this realization wasn't so obvious. Which makes me even more grateful to have come to said realization. Ladies, it's time we eased up on ourselves. Give ourselves more credit. It's true that our bodies can do more than perhaps we expect. But it's also true that sometimes we can't. And that's OK.
Sorry for the Oprah moment there...but I've been chewing on that one for weeks and listening to the discussion on the radio this morning I found myself talking back to the radio. So instead of turning into a crazy person who talks to the radio in her car, I opted for writing it down. The end.
I read through all of the old posts here today. What a ride. I'm so thankful that I started writing everything down. It's going to be a wonderful memory for us and also a gift for Leo. And I'm just marveling at how far we've come. And what I've learned. And how my perspective on parenthood, childbirth, etc. has all changed now. I was listening to NPR this morning in the car and the topic was childbirth. The host was taking calls from folks sharing their childbirth stories - natural or epidural? Hospital or home birth? And it struck me that I think we (women, society, whoever) have soooo much judgement around what makes "the best" childbirth experience. And before my experience with Leo I had all the same judgements. C-Sections are bad and are to be avoided at all costs, if you can go natural you should, epidurals are fine but if you can "handle it" you should go without. And the list goes on. Why do we not realize that at the end of the day the focus should only be about what's going to result in a healthy mom and baby? Why do we feel more pride if we go without any pain intervention? Why do we feel like we've failed if we have a c-section? I'm sure these judgements and feelings aren't true for all women. Perhaps it's a Seattle/West Coast thing. We value the natural out here. But now that I've gone through all of the feelings of failure/anger/jealousy/grief, etc. for having Leo not at all in the way that I expected, I've gained a perspective for which I am so thankful. Enough with the pressure to be the earth mother. Likewise, enough with any and all pressure/expectation/judgement around childbirth. It's just so totally unnecessary and all it does is help to make women feel badly about themselves. Thank God for modern medicine and the ability to have babies in all manner of ways. However that baby joins your family should be celebrated. And, when life throws you a curveball and you find yourself in a situation you never imagined, letting go of those judgements is the only way you can truly heal. Readers of this blog with far more wisdom than I will say "um, duh Caitlin" but for me this realization wasn't so obvious. Which makes me even more grateful to have come to said realization. Ladies, it's time we eased up on ourselves. Give ourselves more credit. It's true that our bodies can do more than perhaps we expect. But it's also true that sometimes we can't. And that's OK.
Sorry for the Oprah moment there...but I've been chewing on that one for weeks and listening to the discussion on the radio this morning I found myself talking back to the radio. So instead of turning into a crazy person who talks to the radio in her car, I opted for writing it down. The end.
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